Posted by
GunnyG© on Thursday, January 11, 2007 9:45:10 AM
Chinese Leaders today thanked former President Bill Clinton as they unveiled their sleek new jet fighter, the Jian-10. One Chinese official stated: "without the help of Bill Clinton, there is no way that we could have created such a weapon of war, oops, for peace. Everyone knows that we Communists LOVE peace."
Another Chinese celebrant had this to say: "It really helped that Bill Clinton's Administration cleared the way for the Cincinnati Corporation to sell us those 5-axis milling machines...then on the State Department's DO NOT EXPORT list. I know that we said we'd only use them to make commercial AIRLINERS but we did not think that Bill would believe that. We laughed when he did. He's such a good liar, we thought that he'd see through that one! haha. Thanks again Bill and Hill."
The Jian-10 is powered by Chinese engines and firing Chinese precision-guided missiles, the locally built fighter has allowed China to become the fourth country in the world to have developed such a capability and has such as narrowed the gap with our enemies, oops, trading partners." This came from Geng Ruguang, the deputy general manager of the Jian-10's manufacturer, Avic-I. "Also, our cruise missile bodies are far more aerodynamically correct thanks to those 5-axis milling machines that we were given, er, sold. We simply can't thank you enough Bill."
The latest fruit of a military modernization drive that has produced an indigenous Chinese nuclear attack submarine, early warning aircraft, frigates and destroyers, cruise missiles, and computerized command and control systems, the Jian-10 is "a decisive step by China toward becoming an aviation power," the official Xinhua news agency declared. "Xinhua is proud to call Bill and Hillary Clinton allies of the Chinese march to world domination under a communist flag."
The plane is also a new symbol of China's role-reversal in the global arms industry. "Most technology analysts have been surprised by the speed with which China has gone from being an arms-buying country to one with real promise of being a producer of front-edge military technology," says one senior researcher at a Security Studies think-tank. "I mean if we get another Democrat in the White House, I'm sure that China will be able to surpass us with either stolen (Los Alamos) data or simply bought and paid for with campaign contributions to the DNC."
Another Chinese General interviewed gave Bill Clinton kudos for the allowing Hutchinson-Whampoa Ltd to take charge of the Panama Canal. This front company for the Chinese Communists can now shut down the locks at will, thus forcing ships to sail around South America, like they had to before AMERICA dug the Canal. "If it wasn't for Bill Clinton," General Ho said, "we'd never have been able to shut America and her allies out of the Pacific so easily."
Noted Chinese scientist and former Los Alamos spy, One Ho Lee, now back in Bejing laughed and said, "under Bill, is was too easy to steal secrets. Just copy them to a CD or heck, just lose the classified hard drive and say sorry. With Janet Reno running the FBI, we were covered six ways from Sunday! Now our missiles fly straighter and are more harder to trick with countermeasures thanks to the efforts of our friend, Bill Clinton."
Chinese General Li also had this to say, "thanks to the Clinton Administration selling us those forty-seven high-speed computers, we can more easily target US cities with the nuclear-tipped missiles he gave us the plans to. Nothing like having a traitor working for you!" He laughed and turned to watch the new supersonic Jian-10 take off.